Some thoughts on decluttering by Aaron Hecht

A few months ago, I wrote a blog entitled Some Thoughts About the Little Foxes in which I talked about how I'm trying to get rid of bad habits and unhelpful routines that were no big deal of and by themselves, but when I added them all up, they were having a very negative impact on my life. I have continued to try to get rid of these bad habits and have had a fair amount of success. But I'm also trying to expand this concept into the realm of physical objects and stuff I have in my home.

Most people only ever do this when they're getting ready to move to a new home, but although I know we'll be moving out of this apartment we're in now someday, it's unlikely to be in the immediate future. However, experience tells me that it's never a bad time to shed excess stuff, or as it's sometimes called, declutter.

The last time we moved, from our old apartment into this one, I started the process of sorting and packing about four months before the last day we would be in that old apartment, thinking this would be plenty of time. It turned out to be woefully inadequate, and in the last two weeks I was forced to stop being careful and just throw everything into boxes to get it ready to move across town, so a LOT of unnecessary clutter ended up being brought from that apartment to this one.

Brothers and sisters, I urge you to learn from my mistakes. If you're going to be moving in a year or less, start the sorting and packing up process NOW!

Once again, although we're not moving any time soon, I have been utterly astounded at all the stuff I've already found, just in a few short weeks, that I could get rid of. Most of this stuff had been relevant at one time, but it is no longer relevant to my life, and keeping it in my home was just making it more difficult for me to keep the things that ARE relevant to my life organized and accessible when I need them.

This has included a great deal of the stuff that was in the room where my sons sleep that we could have, and SHOULD have, gotten rid of years ago. It included lots of toys, games, puzzles, books, clothes and other stuff that they outgrew a long time ago that's just been sitting there, taking up space in the closets, for years. Needless to say, there's also plenty of that kind of thing in my own closet, or rather there was before I started going through it all.

That brings me to the most important point in this blog, and that is the way I decided what I would keep and what I would get rid of.

You've probably heard of the KonMari Method for decluttering one's life. It is the product of a Japanese lady name Marie Kondo and the centerpiece of this method is to hold every object you own in your hands and only keep it if it "sparks joy" in your heart and mind. If this method of sorting stuff works for you, I won't try to talk you out of it.

But in my own experience, a better question to ask is "is this relevant to my life in the present and does it help me or hold me back from building the future I want to live in"?

I know that's not as catchy or concise as "does it spark joy" but I think it's more helpful.

For instance, one thing that I've had in my home for many years is a football helmet that I wore when I was playing in the Israel Football League. There were lots of great memories associated with that helmet, so it had been sitting up on top of my bookcase in the living room for all these years since I retired from playing. 

But as I looked up at it a few days ago, I realized that football is part of my past, and I've got plenty of pictures in my photo album that remind me of those good times and the friends I made. So I didn't need to keep that old helmet to remind me of that stuff.

So, even though looking at that helmet DID "spark joy" in my heart, it isn't relevant to my future, so it was time for it to go.

This is a good place to mention that I don't think "sentimental value" is a good reason to keep something. I know there are those who will disagree, but that's my opinion.

Another thing I had in my home that did NOT "spark joy" was a gift that my Russian-born sister-in-law gave me for the first birthday I celebrated after I started dating her sister, who would eventually become my wife. 

My sister-in-law didn't know much about me back then, in fact almost the only thing she knew about me that would be helpful in picking a birthday present for me was that I had grown up in a country called the United States of America. So she got me something that she'd heard Americans like. As it happened, I didn't like it at all, but of course, I pretended to be overjoyed at receiving it and I'd kept it all these years because I felt bad about getting rid of it. It HAD been a gift, after all, and I love my sister-in-law dearly, and so I felt obligated to keep this gift, which she'd obviously given me out of a sincere desire to help me enjoy my birthday.

But looking at it a few days ago, I realized this was simply ridiculous. That first birthday with my sister-in-law was literally a lifetime ago. She has probably forgotten all about giving me this gift and even if she does remember, she'd probably be shocked and amused to discover that I still have it. She certainly wouldn't make the mistake of getting me something like that these days, as she knows me much better now.

So,  for all these reasons, it was foolish for me to feel obligated to keep it, and now it's gone.

There were many more things I was able to get rid of. I had several shoe boxes full of old birthday cards, postcards, programs to plays and concerts I'd been to, and such like. Once again, this stuff had long ago served its purpose and was no longer relevant to my life, so with a few exceptions for cards that had been given to me by someone who really meant something special to me or in which someone had written a message which was truly meaningful, it all went into the dumpster.

One birthday card in particular made me recoil in horror before ripping it up and throwing away the pieces. It was from someone who was in my life for awhile but it ended badly, making me wish I'd never met this person in the first place. Why on earth did I still have this souvenir from that bizarre and unpleasant episode in my life?

That brings me to another point, which is that as I got rid of these physical objects that were no longer relevant to my life and/or which "sparked" something very different from joy in my heart, I began to notice that I was also getting rid of a lot of negative feelings and memories. I once read a book by Bible teacher Derek Prince called "Blessing or Curse, YOU decide!" in which he describes how having physical objects in your home can serve to give permission to demons and evil spirits to enter into your life. Even if there's no demonic influence associated with something, it can just make it difficult for you to move on from negative experiences or feelings.

I'm not the most Charismatic person in the world, but this concept makes a lot of sense to me.

There's one last thing to mention about decluttering, and it goes like this.

One day, you will die, and someone will probably go through all your stuff. In fact, that might even happen before you die, for one reason or another.

Is there anything you wouldn't want people to find?

Is there anything that might allow the people you love to find out about something that wouldn't do them any good to find out about, but which would just be painful for them and possibly even prompt them to make some bad decisions of their own?

If so, get rid of it NOW!

Repent about anything that needs to be repented of, and then throw that junk in the dumpster!

That's what I've got for you this week brothers and sisters, I hope this blessed someone.

Reflections on Rosh Hashanah

Shalom Kineti readers,

L'shana tova, a happy Rosh Hashanah/Yom Teruah to all you fine folks. If you're wondering how to celebrate, see my previous post.

Can I share something that's on my heart this week?

Turn to the Lord, now, in this special time. The Scriptures command us to "seek the Lord while he may be found." There's never a bad time to return to God, but during these High Holy Days the time is right.

In Jeremiah, God warned the people again and again to turn from their sins. Jeremiah says to Israel in exasperation,

For these 23 years the word of Adonai has come to me. So I have spoken to you, speaking early and often, but you have not listened.

Additionally, Adonai has sent to you all His servants the prophets, sending them early and often—but you have not listened or inclined your ear to hear— saying: ‘Turn, now, everyone from his evil way, and from the evil of your deeds, and dwell in the land that Adonai has given to you and to your fathers forever and ever. Do not go after other gods to serve them, to worship them, and so do not provoke Me with the work of your hands, so I would do you no harm.’

“Yet you have not listened to Me,” declares Adonai. “So you are provoking Me with the work of your hands, to your own hurt.”

Can you hear and heed that?

Don't think about other people, or the culture, or the politicians you don't like. Think about yourself.

Our sin -- my sin, your sin -- provokes God to anger, to our own destruction.

God says that He is slow to anger, but not so that we'd keep sinning. Rather, slow to anger so that we'd return to Him:

But you, O man—judging those practicing [sin] yet doing the same—do you suppose that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you belittle the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience—not realizing that God’s kindness leads you to repentance?

Can you return to God, dear reader? Can you get rid of the sins, even the private ones you keep from everybody?

Our reward for turning to God is glory and joy and honor and eternal life. Our reward for sin is destruction.

But by your hard and unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath, when God’s righteous judgment is revealed. He will pay back each person according to his deeds. To those who by perseverance in doing good are seeking glory, honor, and immortality—eternal life. But to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—wrath and fury. There will be trouble and hardship for every human soul that does evil—to the Jew first and also to the Greek. But there will be glory, honor, and shalom to everyone who does good—to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

I am turning to God now, friends, getting sin out of my life and returning to the Lord. I hope you'll do the same, dear reader.

What does all this have to do with Rosh Hashana/Yom Teruah? One of the few commandments God has for us on this holy day is to hear the sound of the shofar and remember. Remember what? The coming judgment and the resurrection of the dead.

There will come a day, friends, when a loud blast of the shofar from heaven will sound and God will, by incomprehensible miracle, raise the dead. At the end, the living and the dead will be judged. Let's turn to God now, before that time. The shofar you hear on this day will be a reminder for you to turn from sin and turn to the Lord.

Stop Sinning and Turn Back to God

I've been reading through the book of Jeremiah and came across this:

So much of the Bible is, "Stop sinning and turn back to God."

Still relevant today. We overcomplicate it.

Damn. I have to forgive.

A month ago, I discovered some ugly things had been said about my family, and it came about in a rather public way. The people who had said these things were people close to my family. People who read this blog.

I was angry. These people were close to me and were disciples of Yeshua – if they thought my family was involved in sinful things, why didn’t they come to me? Isn’t that what disciples of Yeshua are supposed to do? These people were close to me, yet now I find multiple people had been saying and believing ugly rumors about my family. I felt betrayed and slandered.

My wife was hurt the most. Much of the jabber was directed at her and her life. She cried for about 3 days consecutively. These people were close to us, so it hurt her deeply.

I tried to comfort her. I set the record straight with the folks that pushed around rumors about us and those that believed the rumors. There was some apology, and some admittance of wrong.

Still, a month later, my wife remains hurt. Even though we’ve worked through some of the problems, there is still a lot of pain. She doesn’t want to even be around said people. Who can blame her? Who wouldn’t be uncomfortable around people who secretly said ugly things about you?

Messianic rabbi Dr. Michael Schiffman summed it up nicely: it’s hard to forgive people, and for good reason:

The reason it is more difficult to reconcile with people than God is because we don’t always trust that people are sincere, or even if they are, they might commit the offense again. When it comes to offenses against us, we have long memories, and that is part of the problem.

-Dr. Michael Schiffman

It’s tempting, then, to not forgive at all. Plenty of choice phrases came to mind as I contemplated severing ties.

However, it turns out, worse things happen to you if you refuse forgiveness. And not some airy imagined thing, but real, tangible, life-influencing bad stuff occurs when you refuse forgiveness:

The real problem with holding back forgiveness from others is the price we pay. Many years ago, someone hurt my wife. I was extremely angry. The offender brushed it off. I stayed angry for five long, dark years. It made me bitter and poisoned me. After five years, I realized that the person I wanted to help was no longer hurting over it. She had moved on. The person I was mad at was going on his merry way and probably didn’t even consider his actions. The one I wanted to help wasn’t being helped, and the one I wanted to hurt wasn’t being hurt. The only one to suffer was me. God showed me that I needed to let go of the offense and forgive. When I did, I had an incredible sense of relief and peace. I went to the offender and told him I forgive him and hold nothing against him. His response was that he did nothing wrong. I let it go, because forgiveness is something I do, regardless of whether the person deserved it. God forgave me when I didn’t deserve it either.

-Dr. Michael Schiffman

I laughed reading that – 5 years of bitterness and refusal-to-forgive is finally overcome, and the response? “I did nothing wrong” – oh! Dunno’ about you folks, but for me, it’s at that point I’d lose it, I’d go all out and strangle the idiot, Macho Man Savage style.

Of course, it could be worse.

Saying, “I did nothing wrong, you have nothing to forgive me for!”, is not the worst you could do.

Ever watch a public figure apologize on television? It’s all, “I’m sorry you feel that way”, or alternately, “I’m sorry you’re offended.” This is the politician’s apology. It’s not an apology at all: it puts the blame on you, while not admitting wrong, but doing so in a way that appears to be an apology.

Humans are great at avoiding responsibility for wrongs. Nobody likes to admit wrong, so we invent clever, subtle ways to avoid accepting that we did something wrong.

Sigh.

Where do we go from here? Or practical: How do my wife and I move on? Something resonated in Schiffman’s post: forgive, because the relationship with that person is more important than the offense.

Person > Offense.

We don’t have to actually forget wrongs, but we have to learn to put them aside when we relate to people. Scripture teaches us that God forgives our sins so that they are not counted against us. We need to do this with others, and it is not easy. When someone has hurt me, it’s very difficult to let go, but that’s what I need to do. God wants us to make things right with our brothers before we come to him. Forgiveness is not pretending the offense never happened. It’s valuing the person more than the offense.

-Dr. Michael Schiffman

The people involved in this dispute read this blog. Some of them have offered an apology for some things, and for that I’m grateful. For the others, even if there is no apology, I am willing to forgive, knowing they are more valuable to me than the offense. I don’t want to let years go by with bitterness between us.

My mother told me a story about her father and her uncle Harry. They were two brothers who emigrated from Eastern Poland with their family in the early 20th century. They helped bring the entire family to America. Somewhere along the line my grandfather and his brother had a big fight, and didn’t speak to each other for 20 years. As a result, their children grew up not knowing each other. After 20 years, before the High Holy Days, they met each other while visiting the graves of their parents. Having not seen each other in all that time, they looked at each other, wept, and embraced. They had forgotten about what they quarreled.

-Dr. Michael Schiffman

That would suck. I don’t want years to pass with bitterness in place. We’ve got a short amount of time to live life – wasting 20 years on bitterness and cold war isn’t an attractive proposition to me! I don’t want that junk in my life, and I don’t want it for my family.

What if this happens again? Will my forgiving be rendered meaningless? It would be extremely painful. It would even more difficult to forgive a second time. Yeshua said to forgive 70 times 7. 7 is the Hebrew number of completion, perfection. Reading the text that way, it seems Yeshua is saying, “Keep forgiving until completion.” I have no idea how that would work. Actually, I can’t see it working practically without becoming a human doormat. Cross that bridge when I get there, I guess.

Messianic scholar J.K. McKee said recently forgiveness is a problem in our religious institutions:

He says the “bury the hatchet” movements are a dime a dozen, but asks, when do they actually work? When do people resolve the deep bitterness held against each other in our own movement?

I must admit, I don’t like Messianic blogger Derek Leman, for numerous offenses; he and his posts cause me more consternation and teeth gritting than any person outside the web. I should send him my dental bill. Messianic leader Boaz Michael and his organization First Fruits of Zion is estranged from me because he considers my community to be supersessionist false friends of Israel. (To be clear, neither Boaz Michael nor Derek Leman are being spoken of in the above text.)

How does that get resolved? I mean, I guess I forgive, sure. What next? I can’t pretend everything is OK. It’s not. Things are not OK. So after forgiving for past offenses, now what?

Where do you go after forgiving? Move on, I suppose. And treat the people kindly. Practical forgiveness, I hope. When Schiffman related he had, after 5 years, forgiven-without-receiving-apology, and hearing the response “I did nothing wrong!”, still, he just let it go.

Whew.

That’s probably part of forgiving. “Let it go”. No response. No rebuttal. No defending self. No setting things right. Just let it go. It’s not fair. No justice there. He’s not repenting, in fact, he’s taunting you? Doesn’t matter, let it go. The good guy loses. The bad guy wins. You let it go.

Let it go. That’s part of forgiving, too. Come to think of it, that’s kind of what Yeshua did at his trial. I often have wondered why he was silent when his accusers tried him. Maybe it was part of forgiving. He didn’t have to set the record right. He just forgave, straight up. Let it go, even though his actual life was at stake. That’s something. That’s significant. I am glad to be a disciple of such a man.

Thanks for listening.

Songs of repentence

So after saying, “gosh, there’s so few Messianic songs of repentance” in the last post, a good number of you fine blog readers chimed in with counter-examples.

I stand corrected.

After some contemplation of these, I’ve chosen a few songs for this upcoming shabbat. 4 of 5 are Messianic, and they point the worshipper toward repentance:

1. Lamb – The Sacrifice Lamb: “We’ve broken the Law, but he paid our debt…”
   
   
   
2. Yosef Karduner – Hashivenu: “Bring us back in perfect repentance before you…”
   
   
3. Steve McConnell – Yom Kippur: “Holy One, how can I approach your mercy seat?”
   
   
   
4. Micha’el ben David – The Blood: “The blood of Yeshua over us and all Yisrael…”
   
   
5. Lamb – Holy, Holy: “You carried all my sins, o son of David, why? Yet on your back my sins were laid.”
   

Have an easy fast, fine blog readers.

Why so few Messianic songs on repentance?

I’m a Messianic music aficionado. It’s why I created Chavah, the best darn Messianic internet radio on the web. It’s why I’ve been amassing Messianic music chord sheets and putting them on the opened web.

Judah knows Messianic music.

I sat down tonight to pick out some music to play for our congregation this upcoming shabbat. Seeing as how we’re approaching Yom Kippur, a time for repentance, I wanted to select some songs that would move the hearts of our congregants towards God in repentance.

I was a bit surprised to find out there’s virtually no Messianic music about repentance.

Why is this?

There are plenty of songs about God’s forgiveness, mind you: Boskey’s Depths of the Sea, Chernoff’s There’s a Wind, or Lamb’s Yeshua Means Salvation, for example, all sing the praises of God’s great forgiveness and mercy. And Steve McConnell’s Yom Kippur song mentions only atonement, not repentance.

Granted, there are a good number of songs encouraging the praiser to turn to God, which implicitly suggests teshuva, turning, repenting. And plenty on God’s atonement through Yeshua, and so many on the great sacrifice of the Lamb.

Still, there are almost zero Messianic songs directly about repentance. Searching my massive Messianic song chord stash for “repent” yields non-Messianic songs like Yosef Karduner’s Hashivenu or Simcha Kanter’s Elu V’elu Oimrim.

I am curious to know the cause for this lack of focus on personal repentance in Messianic music. I suspect it’s a subtle leftover from Christian theology, where, as one Christian once told me, “God forgives you even if you don’t repent – grace!” It would explain why there are a good number of songs on God’s forgiveness, but so few on personal repentance.

Fine blog reader, can you explain to me why are there so few Messianic songs on repentance?

Repentance

To most folks, the idea of repentance has such a negative, religious connotation, it hardly has any real-world meaning remaining. When you hear the word 'repent', the mind conjures up a man sitting in a confession box next to a Catholic priest, blabbing about his problems. Or possibly, a homeless man holding a cardboard "The end is near - repent!" sign around his neck.

In reality, however, repenting is something a bit different that our modern view of repentance.

The word 'repent' in the Bible comes from the Hebrew word 'teshuva', literally meaning "return". The idea is, turn away from that sin and return back to God. Turning your back on your wrongs and moving to a stronger faith in God. Scriptural repentance has absolutely nothing to do with confessing one's sins to a Catholic priest.

Confession and repentance does go hand-in-hand, however. How can you repent -- turn your back on sin -- if one doesn't acknowledge and admit your sin to God? (Note that this does not require a priest or any religious person.) If you've done wrong, if you've done evil, personally admit it to God and turn your back on that sin.

First Fruits of Zion covers this in detail:

A sinner should turn back from his sin, and should confess his misdeed before God as Scripture says, “When a man or woman commits any of the sins of mankind, acting unfaithfully against the LORD, and that person is guilty, then he shall confess his sins which he has committed.” (Numbers 5:6–7) The main element is remorse in the heart, in truth, over the past; and one must take it upon himself not to do such a thing ever again. This [confession] is the essential part of repentance; but the more one confesses, the more praiseworthy he is.” (Chofetz Chaim)
Commentary:

It is a mitzvah of the Torah to confess our sins and repent from them. When we sin, we are not to remain in the sin, nor are we to passively accept the fact that we are sinners. We are to strive against sin. We must humble ourselves to confess the sin and then turn away from it. It is a positive commandment, to confess one’s sins and repent from them. Therefore it is a sin to leave a sin unconfessed!

Even the smallest sin should be confessed. Confession should be made privately, but audibly, directly to God. King David says, “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD; and You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah. (Psalm 32:5) Yochanon the beloved disciple says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Confession and repentance work together. It says, “then he shall confess his sins which he has committed and repent.” (Numbers 5:7) Confession is the first step toward repentance. When Yochanon called Israel to immerse as a sign of repentance, they came to be “baptized by him in the Jordan River, confessing their sins.” (Mark 1:5)

But a person may hesitate. His evil inclination will accuse him and say, “How dare I confess this sin to God? Didn’t I just confess this same sin yesterday and resolve not to do it again? How dare I come before Him again with the same offense?” When this happens, we must shove away the evil inclination from our thoughts and remember that God truly does desire our repentance. “There will be more more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” (Luke 15:7) A person must never give up on himself. He must say to himself, “God has not given up on me, neither should I. I will try again. I will start over, brand new, beginning right now. God has surely washed me clean by Messiah’s blood. I am a new creature in Messiah. He will strengthen me to walk uprightly.”

The mitzvah of confessing our sins before God is one we can carry out confidently in Messiah. Thanks to the efficacious sacrifice of Messiah, we know that our confession and repentance will always be received. “He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions.” (Colossians 2:13)