Some Thoughts after two years of war by Aaron Hecht

At the conclusion of the Second World War, US Army General George S. Patton sent a letter to his wife in which he said, among other things, "another war has ended, and with it, my usefulness to mankind."

I don't remember exactly when I first read that quote, or even what history book it was that I read it in. But there's no doubt that it had a powerful effect on me. Like all boys, I had a tremendous desire to grow up and do something heroic. Also, like all boys, I wanted to be just like my dad when I grew up, and since I knew from a very early age that my father had been a soldier and fought in the Vietnam War, I wanted to do the same.

Growing up in America at the height of the Cold War in the 1980s, there was a LOT of encouragement for boys like myself to think this way. Most of the TV shows and movies in the 80s had a pro-military theme, and there was also many shows whose characters were Vietnam veterans who spent most of their time solving problems using violence, despite having no legal authority to do so. Anyone who grew up in the 80s will remember movies like "Die Hard" (still my favorite Christmas movie) and the Rambo trilogy, Top Gun, and Red Dawn as well as TV shows like "The A-Team", "Airwolf" "GI Joe" and "Magnum P.I.

These movies and shows made war, killing and violence look glorious and heroic, and it made anyone who objected to these things look weak, cowardly, infantile and stupid. 

With a few exceptions, they also made war and violence look safe, as the protagonists rarely died or even got hit, and even when they did, they healed quickly and by the next episode of the show they were as good as new.

So, I grew up thinking it would be fantastic to be a soldier at war, and I consumed thousands of pages worth of history books and watched hundreds of hours worth of movies, including both non-Fiction documentaries and fictional stories. I also read books by men who had been career soldiers, like H. Norman Shwartzkopf and Colin Powell, and they made it sound like SO MUCH fun!

And then of course, there was the collective works of Tom Clancy, who has been called the "poet laureate of the Military-Industrial Complex." Reading his books definitely fed my desire to be a soldier and defend the civilized world against its many enemies, foreign and domestic.

But alas, when the time came for me to enlist...I failed my physical exam.

So, I went to college instead and studied Political Science, Anthropology, International Relations and the Bible, not necessarily in that order. 

I WAS able to be part of the ROTC program at my university, and on more than one occasion, I performed tasks better than the regular Army soldiers who were there to teach us how to do things, which REALLY irritated me since those guys had obviously passed the physical exam I'd failed. As I was finishing up my fourth semester, which was as far as a person could go in ROTC without enlisting, the CO of the ROTC battalion, a Lt. Colonel who was a veteran of Gulf War 1, told me it was too bad I had failed my physical because in all other respects I was exactly the kind of young man the US Army was looking for.

That just made it worse.

But time passed, and God put other things in front of me. The vast number of books I'd read and movies I'd watched didn't entirely go to waste, as they were all relevant to the study of international relations, which made up the bulk of my academic work. Later, in my work as a journalist, they would also be useful. In fact, it was as a journalist, rather than as a soldier, that I ended up finally allowing me to experience war and violence at close range (no pun intended.) 

The first time I was ever shot at was several years ago when I went down to Sderot (this was before the Iron Dome) chasing a story for the Messianic Times newspaper. The crude rockets I dodged that day seemed like a really big deal at the time, but that all seems laughably prosaic now. In subsequent years, covering subsequent wars, (they really do all run together in my memory after a while) I'd dodge bigger rockets, drones, missiles, etc. while never throwing anything back, not even a paper airplane.

Because the fact is, I am still technically a civilian. Most war movies are about soldiers, but the overwhelming majority of people who experience war do so in the capacity of a civilian, COMPLETELY helpless to do anything to affect the conduct of the war one way or the other, at the mercy of forces beyond their control, just trying to hold on and survive under very difficult circumstances.

This current war, which might be coming to an end in the next few days, has been a very different experience for me in every way. Unlike all the previous wars, which I participated in as a journalist, mostly watching from a safe distance and only occasionally getting close enough to be in any kind of danger, this war came right to my front door.

Two years and two days ago, Hamas attacked Israel and the next day, Hezbollah joined in the attack. This was followed by attacks from the Houthis in Yemen, Iranian-backed Shi'ite militias in Iraq and Syria and eventually Iran itself. However, when this war started, I was most afraid that there would be terrorist attacks here in Jerusalem and possibly even against my family's home, just like what had happened in the Gaza border communities.

To prepare for this possibility, I did what a lot of other Israelis did and applied for a license to acquire and carry a pistol. I have no idea why, but there was no way to appeal the computer's decision, so I just carried around a baseball bat whenever I took the dog for a walk until I managed to get some pepper spray.

No terrorist attack ever came against me, but over the past two years I've heard the air raid siren many times, often waking me up in the middle of the night and forcing me to get the kids out of bed so we could grab the dog and run down to the bomb shelter. No missiles ever landed here in Jerusalem, but debris from a few interceptions landed here and also in adjacent communities, so the danger was very real. We also had large fires that threatened some neighborhoods in Jerusalem, which were allegedly deliberately set by arsonists. 

The police even arrested a guy trying to set fire to some bushes just a few blocks away from my apartment. When I heard that, I walked over to the place where he was arrested and it blew my mind how he could have been "trying" to set a fire in that spot. If I had be "trying" to start a fire there I could have had a roaring blaze going in about 10 seconds. I can't imagine what stopped this guy, but whatever it is, I'm grateful for it. Other alleged attempts at arson WERE successful, and hundreds of acres in the hills around Jerusalem and other major Israeli cities burned. I must also add that there was also reports that the fires might have been started through simple carelessness, which is kind of hard to believe, but I suppose it's possible.

In any case, my home, the place where my children sleep at night, was in danger in this war, and that was an entirely new experience for me.

Now, as this war is likely coming to an end, I'm sitting here reflecting on everything that's happened, and I'm coming to some conclusions.

War DOES offer opportunities for heroism, and you don't have to be a soldier to take advantage of these opportunities.

My dog was a hero of this war, keeping the children in our building laughing and having fun in the bomb shelter so that they'd forget about being afraid and upset. One of the other dads who lives upstairs told me that he didn't even have to push his children to go down to the shelter during an alert, they were always eager to go because they'd get to pet the dog.

However, whatever chances there might be for a soldier to grab some "glory" during a war, there are no such chances for a civilian.

Beyond that, there's the question posed by a song from the 1960s, "war, what is it good for" and that song actually echoed the question asked by many other artists, notably the great German novelist Erich Maria Remarque, whose towering masterpiece "All Quiet on the Western Front" included a scene in which ordinary soldiers discuss this question and one of the few answers that they come up with that make any kind of sense is that it's good for industrialists, because they get rich manufacturing weapons.

That has always been true, and these days, it's more true than ever. A recent headline caught my eye, in a bad way, because it said "Bangladesh air force gets nod to spend billions on multirole fighters."

REALLY?!

Bangladesh is one of the poorest countries in the world, with millions of people living in crushing poverty, few natural resources, VERY poor schools, hospitals, roads, etc. and yet, somehow, they've decided to spend billions of dollars on fighter aircraft.

But it's not just Bangladesh. A recent video posted by The Infographics Show gives us a look at how many different countries all over the world, including rich and not-so-rich countries, are spending so much on "defense" that all the things they're trying to "defend" are simply falling apart, raising the question of what the point is.

Here in Israel, as I wrote in a previous blog, there are many people, families and entire communities who are on the ragged edge of financial collapse, and things might be about to get even worse for them as the government will have to both raise taxes and cut services to pay for all the things it has had to spend money on during these last two years of war. To that can be added the hundreds of soldiers killed and wounded, the heartbreakingly high number of divorced couples, domestic violence, substance abuse, household debt, and the list just goes on and on.

There is no question that this was a "war of no choice" for Israel, and there is also no question that the sacrifices we have made, and continue to make, were absolutely necessary. But I am still appalled when I look at all the damage it has done to us, and the price we will be paying for a very long time. 

Needless to say, this is dwarfed by the massive price that Russia, Ukraine, and all of Europe and America are paying and will continue to pay for Vladimir Putin's war, which was completely unnecessary and which has cost Russia so much and gained it very little, if anything.

So, to sum up, I am both proud and oddly grateful to have lived through this time, and I am also very grateful to God for allowing me to see that I do not, as General George S. Patton did, find that my usefulness to mankind has ended with the conclusion of this war. I am a husband to a marvelous wife who needs me and the father to two sons and a dog who all need me. Being a husband and a father offers many opportunities for heroism on an almost daily basis. They should make a few movies about that.

I am also a journalist in a city where there will always be news that people need to hear about, and that will be true whether there's a war being fought or if there isn't.

Another conclusion I've come to is that, with all due respect to Rambo and Magnum P.I., objecting to war and violence is not weak, cowardly, infantile, and stupid. I am not, and can't imagine ever being, a "pacifist," but I HAVE come to a place in my journey where I am very disgusted at the damage wars cause, the costs they impose and the sheer madness that is a huge part of why so many of them start and continue so long.

One of Jesus' titles is the "Prince of Peace" and I'm very much looking forward to His 1,000-year reign on this earth, when there won't be any wars, and we can all spend our time and resources on more productive pursuits. Until then, whether we like it or not, nations will continue to follow the advice of the Romans, that "if you want peace, you must prepare for war."

Some Thoughts on Apology by Aaron Hecht

I need to start by saying I'm sorry.

To anyone who clicked on the link to read this blog because they thought it was going to be about "apologetics," I am very sorry, but that's not what this blog is about. Christian apologetics is a VERY important topic, and maybe I'll write the next one about that, but this blog is about something which is also very important so no matter why you're here, I hope you'll read it to the end.

Apology, and the closely related topic of forgiveness, is a VITALLY important part of our lives. It is SO MUCH easier to forgive someone if they've sincerely apologized, and if they haven't, it can be very difficult to forgive them. Out of this difficulty can come other difficulties, including bitterness and resentment, anger and discontentment. Nothing good comes from any of these things.

That is not to say that we're allowed to not forgive people who don't apologize, but it IS to say that if we love one another as Christ loved us, that is "sacrificially"  than apologizing is a fairly small sacrifice to make in order to make it easier for someone to forgive us, and to bring reconciliation and peace between brethren and all the rest.

With that in mind, let's take a look at some relevant Bible passages (all taken from the NKJV)

1 John 1:9; If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 51:3 For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.

Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Now, the subject of "apology" and the very closely related topic of "forgiveness" are very much on my mind right now because I'm writing this blog a few hours before the sun goes down here in Jerusalem, and when the sun goes down today, then Yom Kippur will begin.

As most readers of this blog will no doubt be aware, the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are called the "days of Awe" and it is during these days that special prayers called "Slichot" are said in order to repent to God for all the sins one might have committed in the course of the previous year which one forgot to repent of, or maybe one wasn't precisely aware one had sinned, or whatever. It is also a time when people go around begging each other's pardon for offences they might have committed against each other during the previous year.

Now, again, "apology" and "forgiveness" are very much on my mind today for a deeply personal reason.

It's because four years ago, I sent an email to an old friend of mine to tell him that I had discovered that he had been dishonest with me about something. It wasn't just any old something either; it had caused tremendous damage to my life, and he had done it deliberately; it wasn't an accident or a slip of the tongue. It was a betrayal of our friendship, an abuse of the power he had over my life at the time and it was just, in general, a really rotten, lousy, despicable thing to do.

All of this, and a bit more, was in the email I sent him, and I was hoping it would make him feel convicted so he'd apologize and make things right between us.

I don't know if he felt convicted or not, because he simply didn't respond. He didn't write back to tell me I had it all wrong and try to make a bunch of lame excuses, or tell me to go jump in the lake, or anything else. He certainly didn't write back to apologize and ask for my forgiveness. He just ignored it, and he has made no effort to communicate with me in any way whatsoever over the four years since, although we have many mutual friends, and it would be easy for him to do so.

So every year as we approach Yom Kippur, I think maybe this year it'll be different. At a time when everyone in Israel is going around begging each others pardon, apologizing, repenting, making amends, reconciling, etc. that at this time, it would occur to him that he should finally call me and sort this out. That is not to even mention Matthew 5:23-24, which contains instructions regarding this kind of situation from the mouth of Jesus Himself.

By not responding to my message, my old friend was doing something called "adding insult to injury." The original injury here had been bad enough, but the insult of his not even bothering to respond when I told him I knew about it made it much worse. What that communicates is that he thinks the sin he committed against me is "no big deal" and there's no need to acknowledge it, much less apologize for it.

But what's worse than that is that this man, who is an ordained pastor and has been working for many years in a very prominent Christian Zionist ministry here in Jerusalem, has forgotten Romans 13:8; Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.

This man owes me an apology, which isn't love, and so he's not only ignoring me, which is disrespectful to the point of being dehumanizing, he is also ignoring the Word of God, which is much worse.

Now, I'm not just writing this blog to splatter my angst about all this to the internet. I'm writing it because this experience of mine is not unusual. Almost everyone owes apologies to others and is owed apologies by others. Apologizing is something we human beings aren't very good at, and that's as true in the Church as it is outside the Church, perhaps even more so. This is, I believe, a leading cause of unforgiveness and all the negative things that follow from it, including bitterness, contentions, and all that other stuff that splits up churches, marriages, families, friendships, musical bands, sports teams, unions, corporations, etc.

So, as a public service, I have decided to give an example of the right way to apologize and a few of the most common wrong ways to apologize.

First, the right way.

When someone comes to you and tells you that you've committed some kind of offense against them, the thing to do is drop everything else and give that individual your full attention and ask them to explain, as precisely as they can, what the offense was, how it made them feel, and what they need from you in order to make things right. All of this has the effect of making them feel seen and heard, and thus, fully human. Anything less will make them feel NOT seen and NOT heard and if that happens, they'll feel disrespected and maybe even dehumanized, and that will add another layer to the original offense and cause all kinds of other problems.

Once they have told you everything, you need to respond by saying something like this; "You're right. I understand why you're upset about this." It was wrong for me to do that and I'm sorry. I will  do my best to make sure nothing like this ever happens again and I also want to thank you for bringing this to my attention and not just being angry about it without telling me why."

Now there's two sidenotes here that are very critical.

First, when you say these words, it's important to mean them. Don't just say them as a way of getting the person out of your hair, or getting out of the situation so you can move on and/or get back to what you were doing before they interrupted you. If that is even slightly on your mind, it will show in your tone and your body language, and once again, this will make the offended person feel disrespected and that will just make everything worse. That is the kind of thing that can turn a friend into an enemy for life, and it's the exact opposite of what you want. The person who feels like you're not taking them seriously, not respecting them, and not REALLY sorry at all, might just let it drop and walk away and quietly hate you for the rest of their life, or they might double down on their hostility right away, or worst of all, they might start, at that moment, to believe that they really ARE unworthy of respect, less than fully human, one inch tall, etc. and start acting accordingly. This kind of self-destructive attitude is SO very common in the Church, and the problems it causes take up far too much of every pastors time.

Now I need to say a this point that sometimes people's complaints against us ARE silly, petty, stupid or ridiculous. After all, Proverbs 19:11 says The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.

But not everyone is on the same level of maturity, and the thing you want to keep in mind is that we're trying to help each other by being strong where others are weak and bearing each other's burdens. If someone is burdened by being really sensitive in an area so that when they get touched there, even lightly, it hurts, then don't tell them how stupid it is for them to be offended by something you wouldn't be offended by because you're less sensitive in that area. Just tell them you're sorry, and promise them you won't do it again.

The other sidenote is that you should NEVER, and I mean NEVER, EVER, EVER(!) not take someone seriously just because they're a child. If a child comes to you and tells you that you hurt their feelings when you knocked their stuffed animal off the chair and didn't pick it up, don't ignore them, or tell them "too bad" or anything else like that. Apologize for not respecting the things that are important to them, even if you think it's stupid or ridiculous or whatever. 

The idea that "children are resilient" is rubbish. Children are VERY sensitive and VERY fragile. They remember having their feelings hurt and being disrespected for the rest of their lives, and it can have devastating consequences. Just stop for a few moments and try and remember something that happened to you before you turned five years old that still hurts when you think about it. You'll probably be able to bring back one of those kinds of memories after thinking about it for less than 30 seconds, and you can probably also think of ways that it is still negatively impacting your life up to this very moment.

So, to quickly review, the RIGHT way to apologize is to stop what you're doing, give the person who is trying to tell you what they need you to apologize for your full attention, listen carefully to what they tell you, and respond sincerely. Don't tell them to "get a life" or "get over it" and DON'T disregard them just because they're a child.

Now, let's get into some of the WRONG ways to apologize.

We can start with the example my old friend gave me of just ignoring the complaint that gets brought to you. Once again, even if you think it's "no big deal," don't ignore it. That will NOT make the problem go away. The person who told you that you've offended them won't just forget about it. Instead, it will be an open wound in your relationship with that person that will get harder and harder to heal the longer it goes unattended. Something that could have been resolved with a five-minute conversation, if it gets sorted out immediately, will be much more difficult and possibly expensive to fix later on.

Next, there's the infamous "I'm sorry, but..." routine.

This non-apology starts with the right words but quickly gets into the weeds of all the reasons why it wasn't the fault of the person who is supposed to be apologizing; it's the fault of the person who feels like they're owed an apology. Once again, this does absolutely nothing to soothe the wounded feelings of the offended party and just adds another layer of disrespect to the original offense, fanning the flames of anger, bitterness, resentment, and outrage.

Maybe there WERE some legitimate reasons why the other person wasn't completely blameless in escalating the situation to the point where it eventually got to. So the way to talk about that is by saying, "can you do me the kindness of thinking twice before you say or do X next time? That will help me not make this mistake again."

Remember, it's not about who is "right" and who is "wrong," it's about who is already acting like a mature Believer and who needs help to become more mature.

We're not here to win arguments, we're here to win PEOPLE to the Kingdom. Never forget that!

With that in mind, by far, the worst of these non-apologies is the "I'm sorry you..." routine.

I'm sorry YOU feel that way.

I'm sorry YOU have a root of bitterness.

I'm sorry YOU didn't like what I said.

I'm sorry YOU had a bad experience.

I'm sorry YOU see things that way.

See, by saying this, you're not apologizing for the thing you did, which was out of order; you're merely expressing regret for a situation which you implicitly blame on the other person. You're saying, in effect, "there IS something wrong here, but you're the source of the problem, not me."

It's not hard to figure out when someone is doing that, and once again, it just adds insult to the original injury; it adds another layer of offense and does nothing to soothe the wounded feelings of the other person and put out the flames of the dispute between you and them. Quite the opposite, in fact, it actually pours gasoline on the flames.

So...don't do that.

To sum this up, if someone comes to you and tells you that you've done or said something to injure or offend them, you should be very grateful that they value your friendship enough to take that step instead of simply dropping you, or quietly resenting you. So don't get defensive and start making excuses, or dismissing their concerns, or telling them to "get over it" or otherwise not taking them seriously.

Instead, thank them for taking the brave first step of letting you know there's a problem, thank them for trusting you enough to expect that you'll do your part to solve it, give them a sincere apology that let's them feel like they've been seen and heard and otherwise taken seriously and respected, and THEN, actually try to not make the same mistake again.

Needless to say, this works both ways. If someone has offended or hurt YOU, take a moment to think about whether it should be overlooked. Are you ready to "be the bigger person" and just forget about it?

If not, or if you don't think this is something that even the bigger person should simply overlook, but rather it's a problem that needs to be dealt with, then go to that person privately and let them know what they did that you think they owe you an apology for. Don't expect them to know, because many times they don't realize they did something that violated your boundaries. Everyone has different boundaries, and they might be genuinely unaware that they did anything out of order.

So tell them, politely but firmly, what they did that you feel they owe you an apology for, and then be willing to accept their apology when they offer it. Forgive them, and forget about it, as best you can. Don't hold on to something once it's been resolved.

Doing all this will bring blessings to your own life, as well as the life of your family, your community, and ultimately, to the Kingdom of Jesus Christ that you belong to.

Colossians 3:12-13 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

In Defense of the Feasts

The Temple Mount in the time of Ezra and Nehemiah, courtesy of Ritmeyer

We're in the midst of the fall High Holy days, having just celebrated Yom Teruah (Rosh Hashana) last week and will soon be observing Yom Kippur. The Biblical holy days are on my mind! 

I was reading the book of Ezra this week when I came across something I hadn't noticed before. In chapter 3, Ezra describes the first order of business when Israel returned to the land. Here it is:

When the seventh month arrived and the sons of Israel were settled in the towns, the people gathered together as one man in Jerusalem. Then Jeshua son of Jozadak, his fellow kohanim, Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel and his associates began to build the altar of the God of Israel, in order to offer burnt offerings on it as written in the Torah of Moses, the man of God. They set up the altar on its fixed resting place despite their fear of the peoples of the lands and they offered burnt offerings on it to Adonai, both the morning and the evening sacrifices. They also kept the Feast of Sukkot as it is written and offered the prescribed number of daily burnt offerings according to the requirement for each day.

A few things jump out at me in this passage.

First, it was of prime importance to the Israelites that they resume the sacrifices. Their business was rebuilding enough of the Temple to resume the sacrifices to God. They did this even though they were surrounded by hostile people. Why were sacrifices so important? I think it's because sin had to be dealt with. Sin state and purity were of utmost importance to restoring God's presence to Israel.

Secondly, Israel resumed sacrifices on the first day of the seventh month: Yom Teruah (Rosh Hashana). And this may contribute to why it is now called rosh ha-shana ראש השנה, head of the year. It might officially mark the end of the exile and the beginning of Israel's renewal. It is not likely a coincidence that God allowed for this to happen on Yom Teruah.

This might explain part of the mystery of Yom Teruah. The Torah commandment for Yom Teruah is that it be a zichron teruah זכרון תרועה, a memorial [shofar] blast. What are we memorializing? What are we remembering? The Torah doesn't say. Perhaps because this very act is the thing future Israel would remember: the rebuilding of the Temple, the resuming of sacrifices, and the end of the exile. (And, if I might put on my Judeo-Christian thinking cap, it may one day signal the return of Messiah.)

Thirdly, Israel observed and celebrated the Holy Days. 

This is noteworthy because I have often heard Christian critiques of Messianic practice saying, the Kingdom of God is not about eating or drinking (Rom. 14). 

Well, yes. 

But the Kingdom of God is about God's holy days. That too is part of the Kingdom of God. 

The prophets of the Bible foretell the arrival of Messiah where all the nations of the world will go up to Jerusalem to keep Sukkot (Zech. 14) -- that is Kingdom of God stuff. And it involves celebration with eating and drinking. 

Paul's words about the Kingdom of God being more than eating and drinking must not be a polemic against the Biblical holy days.

Nehemiah 8 gives more details to what went on when Israel returned from exile:

Ezra the kohen brought the Torah before the assembly, which included men and women and all who could understand what they heard. This happened on the first day of the seventh month...Ezra opened the scroll in the sight of all the people for he was above all the people. When he opened it, all the people stood up. Ezra blessed Adonai, the great God, and all the people answered, “Amen, amen!” as they lifted up of their hands. Then they bowed down and worshiped Adonai with their faces to the ground...Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the kohen-scribe, and the Levites who were teaching the people said to all the people, “Today is holy to Adonai your God. Do not mourn or weep!” For all the people had been weeping when they heard the words of the Torah... So he said to them, "Go! Eat choice food, drink sweet drinks, and send portions to those who have nothing ready. For today is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of Adonai is your strength." 

Taken together, we can sum up Israel's priorities when they returned from exile:

1. Rebuild the Temple
2. Resume sacrifices to God
3. Hear the Torah read
4. Humble themselves
5. Worship God
6. Celebrate the Feasts

There is more to God and the Kingdom than Feasts and Holy Days. But those Feasts and Holy Days were of great importance when the exiles returned to Israel. Maybe they should be important for us too.

Have an easy fast, dear Kineti readers. More importantly, turn your hearts to Him and get sin out of your lives. That's a fast that's pleasing to God (Is. 58)