Gif’s Law of Teh Crazies

Hello, fine blog readers, hope you had a good weekend.

I have a new internet law formulation to share with you. It is borne out of many years of intarweb page viewing.

Are you ready? Brilliant. Here it is:

The amount of crazy in an individual is directly proportional to the number of animated .gif images on his or her personal webpage.

That is to say, the more of Teh Crazy a person has been infected with, the more flashing animated images on his personal web page.

If that’s making your brain hurt too much, here’s a diagram that illustrates this formulation:

GIF's Law of the Crazies

As you can see, the more animated .gif images one has on his or her website, the more likely they are to be batpoop insane in the membranes.

Case in point:

Texe Marrs’ website.

Texe Marrs'

This guy is a religious guy, a Christian, but with conspiracy theorist leanings that go so far to say “the Zionists” are evil harbingers and leaders of the New World Order. His website offers the sale of his numerous nutty books, as well as some old Nazi favorites like Protocols of the Elders of Zion, a well-known forgery attempting to paint Jews as the root cause of all the world’s problems. Gif’s Law of Teh Crazies correctly predicts this man to be bat-poop insane crazy; his animated .gif image count racks up to 12 on his home page alone – that’s off the charts! That’s more than an asylum’s fill of Teh Crazy.

Oh, but Gif’s Law of Teh Crazies applies to more than just religious people. Take a look at British car dealer Ling Valentine. Ling is a woman – as far as we can tell – but she’s just a little…umm….out in left field? Before I point you to her website, please be warned it may cause seizures and partial blindness, hardening of the eyeballs, blind spots, and may trigger severe allergic reactions, causing your eyes to bleed. You may wish to wear protective goggles, and have your significant other standing next to you in case you seizure out. Ok, ready? Here it is:

Ok, ok, I’m sorry! Please forgive me for burning those permanent images into your forever-scarred eyeballs!

Gif’s Law of Teh Crazies correctly predicts Ling to be off the charts on the scale of crazy. Too many animated .gif images to count! On that website, thar be dragons I wish ne’er to disturb.

What websites do you visit, fine blog readers? Do you run any websites yourself? Always keep in mind Gif’s Law of Teh Crazies, lest you find yourself in the Intarwebs loony bin ghetto heap. ;-)


  1. There are several other, equally reliable signs of crazy.

    1. Using ALL CAPS in EVERY other WORD.
    2. Increasingly large font size with every sentence.
    3. Random use of bold, italics, and underline, as well as every possible combination THEREOF.
    4. Randomly interspersing different text colors such as bright red and blue.

    The above methods are frequently used as substitutes for footnotes referencing reputable sources.

  2. Hahah, true!

    I'd also add to that list, scrolling marquee text is a sure giveaway as well. :-)

  3. One of the worst publications that has influenced the Messianic community in the past ten years--that falls into all of the traps--is Fossilized Customs. A lot of unnecessary bolding, many references to the ambiguous "they," and no documentation except "Go look it up in any encyclopedia." Sensational teachers like Michael Rood, who claim to be archaeologists when they are not, do not help either.

    Times are coming to the Messianic world where this, and many other things are going to change. The independent, mostly Two-House branch has been a fertile field for a great number of urban legends--and a painful season will come when they get weeded out.

  4. Ah, good one, haven't ran into Fossilized Customs before.

    Another one is Your Arms to Israel, the group that really bolstered the polygamy teaching in 2008. They've got numerous animated .GIFs, flashing and scrolling banners, and a generally unnavigable mess heap of a website. :-)

  5. Yet something else to also watch out for--that has been around for over 10 years--is "The Scriptures" Bible version produced by ISR. I have been asking since 2000 for a list of who the translators were, and what their statement of beliefs are. I think these are fair questions, but I'll never get an answer.

    You cannot translate the Bible into English without some kind of doctrinal presuppositions. New American Standard, New International Version, New Revised Standard, JPS Tanakh, etc. all let us know who their translators are and what principles guide their teams. You can even find out, with a little research, who made up the various committees and where they disagreed on particular renderings. Not so with ISR Scriptures.

  6. Very good, thanks for a good laugh.

    I think another sure sign is the length of the page. A Print Preview of the Lings site shows it would take 6 pages to print the main page. The Texe Marrs page would take 8 pages to print.

  7. While it is true that the ISR does not list the names and addresses of the translators on its web page, they do mention that they will not try to answer any doctrinal questions. A bit of wisdom there.

    Although I have a copy of the Scriptures it is not my favorite translation. I do see some problem areas, mostly in the comments where they do assert some doctrinal positions. Their work certainly would not lead someone astray.

    I think there will be quite a few more zany, off-the-wall websites as we approach the final days of the final countdown. Folks will be both afraid and confused. Cooler may heads may prevail in the long run, but they must be strong, not ecumenical.

    I have a copy of Fossilized Customs too, but we don't lend that one out to anyone.

    Does anyone think that Michael Rood faked the whole Res Sea crossing artifact segment? It is possible, but I'm withholding judgement until more facts come to light.


  8. This is very funny Judah, thanks so much for placing a smile on our faces as always...

    here is a comment from Lings website...

    "If you can't find the car leasing deal you're looking for, use the tools below or request a bespoke leasing quote!"

    ironically i am in the market for a new car and just glancing at an image of one of those vehicles for a half a second gave me a head glitch.......or something, it did something lol...

  9. Why can't the Messianic translators of the ISR? Every other version does?

    Then again, a great deal of the Messianic movement doesn't ask such critical questions...

  10. Well, what has been called the "Messianic Movement" started out by asking critical questions. Questions that could not be easily answered by the mainstream churches.

    I think it is now ironic that those same people who were bold enough to ask the difficult questions in the first place are being criticized for not asking enough critical questions!

    It is no wonder that we have such discord among ourselves when those want to be in positions of power, but aren't, now cast doubt upon the very revelations that YHVH gave His people to bring about the prophesied end time restoration.

    It should cause one to wonder who has lost track and who hasn't.

    So, keep asking the hard questions. Answers will come soon enough to those who wait on YHVH.